Better Mental Health: Princeton Counseling Service

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How to Know You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

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We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? 

While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. 

So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself? Here are a handful of traits the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists as characteristics that someone is a narcissist:

A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists see themselves as incredibly essential to the success and happiness of other people. In their eyes, they believe they are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement, whether they are or aren’t in reality.

They are Special or Unique

Narcissists believe they are so special and unique that few people can really understand them. Many will only want to spend time around high-status people.

A Need for Admiration

We all can admit it feels good to be appreciated and admired. But narcissists have an absolute need for admiration and a lot of it. 

A Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists truly believe they are the exception to the rule. If there is a line of people waiting to be seated, a narcissist will cut that line because why should they of all people be forced to wait? If you’ve spent any amount of time around an actual narcissist, their entitlement can be shocking as it seems to know no bounds.

A Lack of Empathy

Narcissist simply cannot imagine how others feel. They are wired differently from non-narcissistic people. When you can’t empathize or feel what someone else is, it makes it incredibly easy to abuse those around you.

These are just some of the main traits of a narcissist. Needless to say, spending any amount of time in their presence can be a very toxic and taxing experience.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Filed Under: relationships

The Different Types of Psychotherapy

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Psychotherapy can be a powerful vehicle for personal transformation. By speaking with a trained therapist in a safe and confidential environment, a person has the opportunity to explore their inner world and gain an understanding of their behaviors.

Research has now shown that individual psychotherapy can be highly effective at improving the symptoms of a wide range of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and OCD. It can also be beneficial for families, couples and groups.

More and more people are embracing the potential of psychotherapy in their life, but many are confused which is the right type for them. The following are some of the most common types of psychotherapy to give you a better idea of your options:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most used modalities in therapy. CBT is effective because it looks at the relationship between an individual’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It is a very empowering form of psychotherapy and works on a variety of issues such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders and schizophrenia. 

Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) has been used successfully for decades to treat PTSD. EMDR works by reducing the emotional distress that has been stored away in the brain from past traumas. 

In each EMDR session, a trained therapist assists their client in performing a series of back and forth repetitive eye movements that essentially find the lingering traumatic emotions and disarm them.

Interpersonal Therapy

Interpersonal therapy focuses on improving the relationships an individual has with others. In these sessions the trained therapist helps their client evaluate their social interactions to recognize any negative patterns. Patterns can include social isolation and aggression. The goal is for the person to learn strategies for interacting positively with others.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of types of psychotherapy. But if you are interested in learning more about psychotherapy and would like to explore treatment options, I would be happy to speak with you. Please feel free to give my office a call.

SOURCES:

https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Psychotherapy

https://psychcentral.com/lib/types-of-psychotherapy

https://positivepsychology.com/types-of-therapies/

Filed Under: cbt

The Powerful Benefits of Forgiveness

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There is a very old saying that says, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” This is a warning to people to not act out in anger or resentment because you only end up harming yourself. Over time, these feelings of resentment can build until the individual develops feelings of depression or anxiety.

While forgiving others who have hurt us isn’t always easy, in the end, it greatly benefits our mental health and overall well-being. To be clear, forgiving others does NOT mean you agree with or condor their poor behavior. And it doesn’t mean you are announcing that your feelings don’t matter. Forgiveness simply means letting go of the negative feelings that are holding you down and causing you prolonged distress.

Again, forgiving someone who has hurt you isn’t easy, but it will lead you to a sense of peace and joy. Here are some steps you can take to forgive others:

Process Your Pain

Have you really faced your pain and processed it? You’ll need to do this before you can let those feelings go. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Cry, yell, hit your pillow, do whatever it takes.

Forgive Yourself

It takes two to tango, as they say. While we can easily point to others and blame them for the breakup or ugly incident, the truth is, we were there also. We played some role. Even if it was to retaliate in the moment and to show our own ugliness. It’s time to forgive your own humanity and any wrongdoing to yourself or others.

Try to Understand

True forgiveness is impossible without a sense of understanding. You can try to forgive, claim you have forgiven, only to have those negative nagging feelings crop up again and again. When we try to understand why someone has acted the way they have, it can wipe out the negative feelings instantly, almost as if by magic. 

A critical parent acts the way they act because they, too, were the victim of a critical parent. An overbearing boss is dealing with a personal tragedy at home. Our cheating spouse is self-sabotaging his or her life because they have incredibly low self-esteem and do not feel they deserve happiness. Life is complicated and human beings are even more so. Try and understand why someone has hurt you. You will be amazed at what this magical A-ha moment can do for you.

And if you’d like to speak to someone and get some guidance and much-needed perspective, please reach out to me.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202006/the-healing-power-forgiveness

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-3144954

Filed Under: relationships

Am I Sad or Depressed?

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Into each life a little rain must fall is a way of saying every one of us will experience sadness in our lifetime. It is completely normal and natural. But there are some people who feel something deeper and darker than sadness, and they may feel this way despite there being no triggering event such as the loss of a loved one. 

So how can we tell the difference between sadness and depression?

Sadness versus Depression: The Real Difference?

As I just mentioned, sadness is a normal reaction to a difficult event in our life. We may feel sad because of a breakup or from losing a loved one or from leaving our friends after graduation. In other words, we feel sadness about something.

Depression, on the other hand, affects not only our emotions but also how we act and perceive the world. Depression does not require a triggering event. In fact, when we’re depressed, we tend to feel upset about any- and everything.

Depression clouds our entire lives. When we’re depressed, nothing feels as enjoyable or worthwhile as it once did. In short, we simply feel less alive.

Symptoms of Depression

To be diagnosed with depression, an individual must be diagnosed with at least five of the following common symptoms for a continual duration of at least two weeks:

  • An irritable or depressed mood 
  • A decreased interest in once enjoyable activities
  • Changes in weight or appetite
  • Changes in our sleep patterns
  • Feeling sluggish most days; having a lack of energy and motivation
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Trouble focusing or concentrating
  • Suicidal ideation

If you or a loved one are experiencing depressed, it is very important to reach out for help from a trained mental health therapist. Depression robs you of your life, purpose and happiness, but there are strategies to break free and find joy once again.

I would be happy to discuss some treatment options with you. Please give my office a call.

SOURCES:

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/depression-vs-sadness

https://screening.mhanational.org/content/am-i-depressed-or-just-sad/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/the-important-difference-between-sadness-and-depression

Filed Under: sadness

Walk and Talk Therapy: Nature’s Healing Power

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For as long as there have been human beings on this planet, there have been people who took a walk when they were feeling a strong negative emotion. There is just something so beneficial about walking. It seems to calm us down and clear our head so we can think from a calm and logical state instead of an emotional one.

So it makes complete sense that some people would be drawn to walk and talk therapy.

What is Walk and Talk Therapy Exactly?

Walk and talk therapy is a type of outdoor therapy and it is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of sitting in an office environment with your therapist, the two of you get out into the great outdoors and have your session during a lovely walk in nature.

Why Try It?

There are a variety of reasons to give this form of talk therapy a try. To start, it can be hard for some people to process their emotions while sitting still. Our bodies seemed to be designed to move while processing emotions. 

Second, many people find the traditional talk therapy format awkward. Sitting in a tiny space with your therapist staring at you as you try and open up and bare your heart and soul is not an easy thing to do. But walking side by side while looking at beautiful nature helps make someone feel calm and open. There’s no doubt nature can be very healing, which makes it the perfect space for therapy.

What Can Walk and Talk Therapy Help With?

Walk and talk therapy can be very effective at treating numerous mental health issues such as:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Self-Esteem Issues
  • Life Transitions
  • Stress
  • Anger
  • Bereavement

Is Walk and Talk Therapy Right for Me?

If you enjoy being out in nature and are interested in a holistic approach to mental health, then walk and talk therapy may be a great fit for you. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety or are having a hard time processing your emotions and are interested in giving this form of therapy a try, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.

SOURCES:

https://welldoing.org/article/what-is-walk-and-talk-therapy

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/walk-and-talk-therapy/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/walk-and-talk-therapy-new-york-ny/52552

Filed Under: mental health

Mental Health Effects of Excessive Screen Time

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If we’re honest, most of us would admit we look at some form of digital screen more than we do the face of our friends and loved ones. From our phones to iPad, laptops and flatscreen TVs the size of an entire wall, screen time for most people is definitely on the rise. But what exactly are the mental health effects of all of this screen time?

Sleep Deprivation

Without realizing it, many of us are hampering our natural sleep cycle with so much screen time. Our electronic devices emit a blue light that interferes with our production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. Screen time before bed will make it very hard to fall asleep. And a lack of quality sleep can cause our mood to dip and make it hard for us to deal with everyday stressors.

Impaired Social Skills

There is a bit of irony when it comes to screen time. We’re on our devices more and more as a way to connect with others. And yet, in reality we are alone when socializing digitally. Fewer real-life social interactions can lead to social anxiety and loneliness.

Poorer Emotional Regulation

Too much time on our devices affects our ability to register and process our emotions. Exposure to aggressive or violent media, for example, can impair our emotional judgment of real life events. It can also trigger our own aggressive tendencies. 

Lower Self-Esteem

Social media platforms are where we go to compare ourselves to others. Often when scrolling through our timelines, we perceive everyone else to have their act together, to be happier, healthier and more successful. Doing this day after day can take a real toll on our self-esteem.

Finding Healthier Alternatives

If you think you’re spending too much time in front of your screens, there are some steps you can take. First, make a commitment to keep TVs and all other devices out of your bedroom so you can ensure a good night’s rest.

Make dinner time with the family a “screen-free zone.” 

And finally, take up some new hobbies, connect with old friends and try to get outdoors more. Your mental health will thank you.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.adventhealth.com/blog/how-screen-time-affects-mental-health

https://www.opal.so/blog/screen-time-and-mental-health

https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2018-03-16/is-screen-time-a-serious-threat-to-mental-health

Filed Under: mental health

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

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Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict in a loving and respectful way:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

  • No yelling
  • No name-calling
  • No physical aggression
  • No foul language
  • No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires validation of both partners’ feelings. When you place blame on the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Look for ways to find that balance between what the both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Depending on the root cause of the conflict, professional counseling may be warranted. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or an infidelity, may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem to be unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

Filed Under: conflict resolution

Does the Gender of Your Therapist Matter?

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Finding a therapist that you feel totally safe and comfortable with is very important for your healing journey. Because of this, some people wonder whether it’s important for your therapist to be a certain gender.

Some have theorized over the years that the gender of a therapist should not matter. After all if they have both been trained and licensed and have a solid track record of helping clients, why should it matter?

While this attitude may make sense with other professionals, such as a dentist or veterinarian, gender can have a much more profound impact when it comes to seeking mental health counseling.

Beliefs and Comfort Levels Affect Treatment

Wishing your dentist was a woman instead of a man will not effective the outcome of your root canal. But feeling safer with a female therapist will affect your outcomes. Or believing that only another man can truly understand what you are going through will certainly impact the effectiveness of your treatment.

A woman who is dealing with the trauma of a rape may certainly not feel safe enough in the presence of a male therapist. Conversely, a woman who has been traumatized by a narcissistic mother may only feel safe with a male therapist.

Parents bringing their child in for therapy may specifically seek either a female or male therapist, depending on the specific scenario or issue. A young boy without any positive male role models may need the guidance provided by a male therapist. A female child who is scarred by an abusive alcoholic father may need the safety and comfort of a female therapist.

You Have Every Right

You should never be made to feel guilty because you have a preference for a therapist who is of a certain gender. Your comfort should be your number one priority.

If you would like to explore treatment options, and feel I may be a good fit for your needs, please reach out to me.

SOURCES:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/faq/does-sex-or-gender-of-therapist-matter

Does The Gender Of Your Therapist Matter?

Therapist Gender Does it Matter?

Filed Under: therapy

Overcoming Societal Pressures on Becoming a Mother

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We’ve all seen those scenes in movies and TV shows where the mother is pressuring her daughter to have children. Usually, the mother character will guilt her daughter by saying something like, “You’re not getting any younger you know,” or, “All I want is to be a grandmother. Why are you keeping that from me!” 

These scenes are always funny. Unless of course, you live these scenes in real life! And sadly, many women do live these scenes on a daily basis. If they’re not getting pressure from their mother about having kids they’re usually getting it from a sister or some of their female friends. But this pressure is far from helpful.

Not All Women are Cut Out for Motherhood

As a therapist, I have heard all kinds of stories about the relationship people have had with their mothers. Now granted, mothers are human beings, and even those that try their very best are going to make some mistakes.

But I have heard more stories than I can count of mothers who seemed to not like being a mother very much at all. I have one client who has shared many heartbreaking stories of his childhood; of his mother who always seemed sad and angry. She was never really “into” playing with him or his two other siblings or spending much time with them. She always made my client feel like she gave up a wonderful life to have children and she regretted it every day.

The truth is, not all women are cut out for motherhood. Some women have it in them and some don’t. There was a time when women didn’t really have a choice but to follow the traditional path and get married and have 2, 3, or more kids. But times have changed and women do have a say now about what kind of life they would like to live. 

Pressuring women to fit a specific mold and have children, just because society deems that the “right” life path is simply wrong. All that does is create families who become broken.

Speaking to Someone Can Help

Are you “of a certain age” and feeling pressured by friends and family to have children? Do you feel overwhelmed? It can really help to have someone in your corner that can help you decide what is right for you personally. A therapist can help you understand clearly what your needs are. He or she can then help you set up boundaries with others so that your needs are met.

If you’d like to speak with someone, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: women

How Your Self-Esteem Affects Your Mental Health

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Having a low self-esteem is something many people of all ages deal with. While a low self-esteem is not considered a mental health condition itself, the way we think about ourselves directly impacts our mental health and overall well-being.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to the way people feel about themselves. Someone with a healthy or high self-esteem thinks positively about themselves and their abilities. They believe they are deserving of respect and have no problems setting healthy boundaries.

Individuals with low self-esteems do not feel very good about themselves. They constantly measure themselves against others and always come up short. They may not think they are worthy of love and respect and will typically not set healthy boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of them.

How Does a Low Self-Esteem Affect Mental Health?

The following are some ways a low self-esteem can impact a person’s mental health:

Poor Relationships 

Human beings are wired for connections. But when we have low self-esteem, we tend to not put ourselves “out there” socially and even tend to isolate, which can lead to poor relationships and loneliness.

Addiction

Studies have indicated low self-esteem in childhood can lead to addictions later in life. Mandy addicts use alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with negative feelings about themselves.

Depression and Anxiety

Living with low self-esteem day after day, week after week, can very much take its toll and eventually lead to the development of depression and anxiety.

How to Build Your Self-Esteem

Building self-esteem is important for mental health and to live a happy life. But it’s not necessarily easy to do it. It’s not like losing weight where you can say I am going to eat less and move more.

That is why I recommend working with a trained therapist who specializes in helping people build their self-esteem. A therapist can help you identify your core negative beliefs and determine where they came from. He or she can then help you develop a new, realistic self-esteem that reflects who you truly are.

If you or someone you know is suffering with low self-esteem and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2016/Why-Self-Esteem-Is-Important-for-Mental-Health

https://www.hormona.io/why-self-esteem-affects-your-mental-health/

https://fherehab.com/learning/self-esteem-mental-health

Filed Under: mental health