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Parenting Tips for your ‘Out of Control’ Child

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At one time or another, all parents feel like their child is acting “out of control.” But eventually this feeling passes as the event passes. But for some parents, an out-of-control child is not a fleeting phenomena but a 24/7 reality. These children constantly push the limits and seem to care very little (if at all) about the consequences.

If you are the parent of an out of control child, you must take steps to maintain your authority, not only for your child’s well-being, but for your own mental health. With this in mind, here are some tips for parenting an out of control child:

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Do you know why many kids test their parents and their boundaries? Because they have a strong need to feel safe and secure. If they test you and you don’t bend, your child will feel safe and secure knowing YOU are in control and they don’t have to be. When you make a rule and set boundaries, be sure to always follow through with consequences.

Be Very Clear

Kids don’t hear or process information like adults do. How you speak with colleagues or employees at work will not work with your kids. You have got to be 100% crystal clear. And it’s a really good idea to write down all household rules so they know EXACTLY what will be tolerated and what won’t.

Use Positive Language

No one – especially an out of control 8-year-old – likes to be told what they can’t do. Your kid will simply focus on that negative word CAN’T. Instead, always use positive language that describes what they CAN do once they have completed a chore. 

For instance, instead of saying, “No video games until you fold the laundry,” say, “You can watch video games once the laundry is folded.” It may seem like a subtle difference to your ears, but it will land much differently in theirs.

If you’ve tried these tips and others but are still having a hard time parenting your child, it may be time for family therapy. A trained therapist can help you and your child communicate and help your child discover why they are acting out, offering tools to change their behavior.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

https://www.verywellfamily.com/help-my-kids-are-out-of-control-1094959

https://www.clevguard.com/parental-control/deal-with-out-of-control-kids/

Out of Control Kids – How to Deal With Out of Control Child

Filed Under: Parenting

How to Navigate Infertility

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Films and television shows would have us believe that conceiving a child is the easiest thing in the world. For some this may be true. But for many couples, getting pregnant seems almost impossible.

And so we seek the help and guidance from fertility specialists, convinced modern technology will help us create the family we’ve been dreaming of. We begin treatments with the hope that one of them will finally take.

Along the way, we feel a multitude of emotions, from shame and guilt to fear and sadness. Oh, and let’s not forget the unmitigated mental exhaustion.

If you are going through your own infertility journey and can relate to all of this, here are some tips to help you navigate:

You’re Not Alone

If all of your friends are having babies, your relatives have had babies, and it seems like the whole world (but you) is having babies, understand that you are not alone. In fact, according to the CDC, one in eight couples in America struggles to get pregnant or sustain a pregnancy.

Do Your Homework

Before beginning infertility treatments, be sure you do some solid research. You want to look for not only a clinic with a track record of live birth outcomes that is attached to excellent labs, you also want to find a doctor that you connect with and feel comfortable with. Ask your OBGYN to connect you with someone. You may also want to ask around your group of friends to find a personal recommendation.

Self-Care

The healthier you are, the better your chances of becoming pregnant. It’s easy to let stress build-up, and then give in to those comfort food cravings. But now is the time to take optimal care of your mind, body and spirit. Eat whole foods, drink plenty of filtered water and get plenty of rest. Stay away from toxic people and situations and prioritize your well-being.

You may also find it helpful to speak with a therapist who can help you navigate the powerful emotions you and your partner are feeling. I help couples who are struggling with infertility stay positive and mentally healthy. I’d love to help you, too.

SOURCES:

https://www.premamawellness.com/blogs/blog/what-i-learned-to-expect-from-not-expecting-6-tips-on-how-to-navigate-infertility-and-find-community

Even Miracles Take a Little Time: How to Navigate Infertility the Smart Way

How to Navigate the Emotions of Infertility

Filed Under: couples

How to Regulate Your Emotions with Mindfulness

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Life has been beyond challenging for most of us the last couple of years as we’ve dealt with a global pandemic and subsequent lockdowns. And just when we thought we were all out of the woods and life was back to normal, we now find ourselves facing sky high inflation, a recession, and the threat of WW III. Needless to say, these events can trigger some pretty strong emotions in us.

We never want to fully deny our emotions. Feeling them is how we process the events of our lives. But there comes the point where we need to figure out a way to move through the emotions and get safely to the other side. One of the most effective ways to do this is through mindfulness.

What is Mindfulness & How Can It Help?

Mindfulness is a simple, non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. It is a powerful way to connect with our bodies and emotions, but in a higher state of awareness.

Mindfulness helps us regulate our emotions by putting us in a calm and relaxed state of presence. From here we can have a more mature and sensible point of view of the events in our lives. 

Second, when practiced regularly, mindfulness can help us develop skills that promote emotional maturity and self-regulation. These skills include self-awareness and attentional control.

And finally, mindfulness can increase the time between trigger and response. In this way, mindfulness acts a bit like an advanced warning system, alerting us to a potential ugly scene, giving us time to engage in emotional self-monitoring. This gives us the opportunity to choose our emotional response very, very carefully.

Getting Started with Mindfulness

There are many online resources for getting started with a mindfulness meditation practice. Spend some time searching Google and exploring Youtube for some helpful sites and videos.

If you are interested in working privately with someone on regulating your emotions, please reach out to me. I use mindfulness in my practice with clients and would be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Sources:

Four Ways Mindfulness Can Help Regulate Your Emotion

How Mindfulness Works to Regulate Emotion in Your Brain

https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/skills/what-is-mindfulness-and-how-to-use-it-to-regulate-emotions

Filed Under: Mindfulness

Couples: How to Regulate Yourself During Difficult Conversations

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Sharing your life with someone means having open and honest conversations, even when those conversations are a bit difficult. But that’s easier said than done.

During hard conversations, it’s common for many people to become triggered by something their partner has said. Calm one moment, but the next they’re thrown into “fight or flight” mode, their brain sensing danger. Before they know it, the most primitive part of their brain is activated in an effort to help them survive. And this is when things can get ugly. Because it’s fairly impossible to speak calmly and rationally when your entire body is in survival mode.

Luckily there are things we can do during difficult conversations to regulate our emotional responses and keep ourselves calm and level-headed.

Pause and Breathe

As soon as you start to feel triggered, pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. While deep breathing may seem like a cliche, it is actually a very powerful tool that helps us get out of “fight or flight” mode and into a more relaxed state. When we breathe slowly and deeply, it sends a signal to our brain that we are out of danger.

Use Your Senses

Another effective way to regulate your emotions in the moment is to focus your attention on a physical sensation. You could take a sip of water and really feel the sensation of drinking, or you could run your fingers along the seam of the sofa cushion.

Listen Fully

It is so common in a conversation to listen to form a response. But when we do this it is far easier to misunderstand what the other person is really saying. Be sure to listen to understand, not to form a response.

Difficult conversations are inevitable when you are in any kind of relationship. But if you use these tips to regulate yourself, you can remain calm and communicate effectively with your partner.

SOURCES:

https://www.hope-wellness.com/blog/hard-relationship-conversations

How to Self-Regulate During a Difficult Conversation

https://hbr.org/2017/12/how-to-control-your-emotions-during-a-difficult-conversation

Filed Under: couples

How to Tell When You’re Feeling Burned Out

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Many people think of burnout as simply being incredibly tired after a long week or month of work or school studies. But burnout is much more than a physical exhaustion; it has in fact been called the “triad of depersonalization, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of detachment.” 

Here are some additional signs of burnout:

Pessimism

Pessimism is a major red flag that someone is experiencing burnout. And they won’t just feel pessimistic about whatever it is that is causing them big stress (job, school, relationship), they will feel pessimistic about life and the world at large.

Sleep Issues

Burnout makes it incredibly hard to get a good night’s rest. Either a person finds it hard to fall asleep, lying there wide awake for hours, or they fall asleep but then wake up throughout the night. When we don’t get enough quality sleep, it makes it difficult to cope with stress, which makes it hard to sleep, and the vicious cycle continues.

Sudden Physical Ailments

A major sign of burnout is suddenly experiencing physical symptoms that you never have before. For instance, many of my clients, with no prior history of GI upset or headaches, will begin to have chronic issues. 

Is it Time to Speak with Someone?

Burnout shouldn’t be taken lightly. You shouldn’t try to ‘tough it out’ and get on with things. Now is the time to make your mental health a priority. If you would like to speak with someone about what has been bothering you, please reach out to me.

Sources:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/burnout/unusual-signs-of-burnout/

https://positivepsychology.com/burnout/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/burnout

Filed Under: mental health

How to Know You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

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We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? 

While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. 

So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself? Here are a handful of traits the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists as characteristics that someone is a narcissist:

A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists see themselves as incredibly essential to the success and happiness of other people. In their eyes, they believe they are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement, whether they are or aren’t in reality.

They are Special or Unique

Narcissists believe they are so special and unique that few people can really understand them. Many will only want to spend time around high-status people.

A Need for Admiration

We all can admit it feels good to be appreciated and admired. But narcissists have an absolute need for admiration and a lot of it. 

A Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists truly believe they are the exception to the rule. If there is a line of people waiting to be seated, a narcissist will cut that line because why should they of all people be forced to wait? If you’ve spent any amount of time around an actual narcissist, their entitlement can be shocking as it seems to know no bounds.

A Lack of Empathy

Narcissist simply cannot imagine how others feel. They are wired differently from non-narcissistic people. When you can’t empathize or feel what someone else is, it makes it incredibly easy to abuse those around you.

These are just some of the main traits of a narcissist. Needless to say, spending any amount of time in their presence can be a very toxic and taxing experience.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Filed Under: relationships

The Different Types of Psychotherapy

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Psychotherapy can be a powerful vehicle for personal transformation. By speaking with a trained therapist in a safe and confidential environment, a person has the opportunity to explore their inner world and gain an understanding of their behaviors.

Research has now shown that individual psychotherapy can be highly effective at improving the symptoms of a wide range of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and OCD. It can also be beneficial for families, couples and groups.

More and more people are embracing the potential of psychotherapy in their life, but many are confused which is the right type for them. The following are some of the most common types of psychotherapy to give you a better idea of your options:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most used modalities in therapy. CBT is effective because it looks at the relationship between an individual’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It is a very empowering form of psychotherapy and works on a variety of issues such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders and schizophrenia. 

Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) has been used successfully for decades to treat PTSD. EMDR works by reducing the emotional distress that has been stored away in the brain from past traumas. 

In each EMDR session, a trained therapist assists their client in performing a series of back and forth repetitive eye movements that essentially find the lingering traumatic emotions and disarm them.

Interpersonal Therapy

Interpersonal therapy focuses on improving the relationships an individual has with others. In these sessions the trained therapist helps their client evaluate their social interactions to recognize any negative patterns. Patterns can include social isolation and aggression. The goal is for the person to learn strategies for interacting positively with others.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of types of psychotherapy. But if you are interested in learning more about psychotherapy and would like to explore treatment options, I would be happy to speak with you. Please feel free to give my office a call.

SOURCES:

https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Psychotherapy

https://psychcentral.com/lib/types-of-psychotherapy

https://positivepsychology.com/types-of-therapies/

Filed Under: cbt

The Powerful Benefits of Forgiveness

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There is a very old saying that says, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” This is a warning to people to not act out in anger or resentment because you only end up harming yourself. Over time, these feelings of resentment can build until the individual develops feelings of depression or anxiety.

While forgiving others who have hurt us isn’t always easy, in the end, it greatly benefits our mental health and overall well-being. To be clear, forgiving others does NOT mean you agree with or condor their poor behavior. And it doesn’t mean you are announcing that your feelings don’t matter. Forgiveness simply means letting go of the negative feelings that are holding you down and causing you prolonged distress.

Again, forgiving someone who has hurt you isn’t easy, but it will lead you to a sense of peace and joy. Here are some steps you can take to forgive others:

Process Your Pain

Have you really faced your pain and processed it? You’ll need to do this before you can let those feelings go. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Cry, yell, hit your pillow, do whatever it takes.

Forgive Yourself

It takes two to tango, as they say. While we can easily point to others and blame them for the breakup or ugly incident, the truth is, we were there also. We played some role. Even if it was to retaliate in the moment and to show our own ugliness. It’s time to forgive your own humanity and any wrongdoing to yourself or others.

Try to Understand

True forgiveness is impossible without a sense of understanding. You can try to forgive, claim you have forgiven, only to have those negative nagging feelings crop up again and again. When we try to understand why someone has acted the way they have, it can wipe out the negative feelings instantly, almost as if by magic. 

A critical parent acts the way they act because they, too, were the victim of a critical parent. An overbearing boss is dealing with a personal tragedy at home. Our cheating spouse is self-sabotaging his or her life because they have incredibly low self-esteem and do not feel they deserve happiness. Life is complicated and human beings are even more so. Try and understand why someone has hurt you. You will be amazed at what this magical A-ha moment can do for you.

And if you’d like to speak to someone and get some guidance and much-needed perspective, please reach out to me.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202006/the-healing-power-forgiveness

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-3144954

Filed Under: relationships

Am I Sad or Depressed?

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Into each life a little rain must fall is a way of saying every one of us will experience sadness in our lifetime. It is completely normal and natural. But there are some people who feel something deeper and darker than sadness, and they may feel this way despite there being no triggering event such as the loss of a loved one. 

So how can we tell the difference between sadness and depression?

Sadness versus Depression: The Real Difference?

As I just mentioned, sadness is a normal reaction to a difficult event in our life. We may feel sad because of a breakup or from losing a loved one or from leaving our friends after graduation. In other words, we feel sadness about something.

Depression, on the other hand, affects not only our emotions but also how we act and perceive the world. Depression does not require a triggering event. In fact, when we’re depressed, we tend to feel upset about any- and everything.

Depression clouds our entire lives. When we’re depressed, nothing feels as enjoyable or worthwhile as it once did. In short, we simply feel less alive.

Symptoms of Depression

To be diagnosed with depression, an individual must be diagnosed with at least five of the following common symptoms for a continual duration of at least two weeks:

  • An irritable or depressed mood 
  • A decreased interest in once enjoyable activities
  • Changes in weight or appetite
  • Changes in our sleep patterns
  • Feeling sluggish most days; having a lack of energy and motivation
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Trouble focusing or concentrating
  • Suicidal ideation

If you or a loved one are experiencing depressed, it is very important to reach out for help from a trained mental health therapist. Depression robs you of your life, purpose and happiness, but there are strategies to break free and find joy once again.

I would be happy to discuss some treatment options with you. Please give my office a call.

SOURCES:

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/depression-vs-sadness

https://screening.mhanational.org/content/am-i-depressed-or-just-sad/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/the-important-difference-between-sadness-and-depression

Filed Under: sadness

Walk and Talk Therapy: Nature’s Healing Power

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For as long as there have been human beings on this planet, there have been people who took a walk when they were feeling a strong negative emotion. There is just something so beneficial about walking. It seems to calm us down and clear our head so we can think from a calm and logical state instead of an emotional one.

So it makes complete sense that some people would be drawn to walk and talk therapy.

What is Walk and Talk Therapy Exactly?

Walk and talk therapy is a type of outdoor therapy and it is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of sitting in an office environment with your therapist, the two of you get out into the great outdoors and have your session during a lovely walk in nature.

Why Try It?

There are a variety of reasons to give this form of talk therapy a try. To start, it can be hard for some people to process their emotions while sitting still. Our bodies seemed to be designed to move while processing emotions. 

Second, many people find the traditional talk therapy format awkward. Sitting in a tiny space with your therapist staring at you as you try and open up and bare your heart and soul is not an easy thing to do. But walking side by side while looking at beautiful nature helps make someone feel calm and open. There’s no doubt nature can be very healing, which makes it the perfect space for therapy.

What Can Walk and Talk Therapy Help With?

Walk and talk therapy can be very effective at treating numerous mental health issues such as:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Self-Esteem Issues
  • Life Transitions
  • Stress
  • Anger
  • Bereavement

Is Walk and Talk Therapy Right for Me?

If you enjoy being out in nature and are interested in a holistic approach to mental health, then walk and talk therapy may be a great fit for you. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety or are having a hard time processing your emotions and are interested in giving this form of therapy a try, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.

SOURCES:

https://welldoing.org/article/what-is-walk-and-talk-therapy

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/walk-and-talk-therapy/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/walk-and-talk-therapy-new-york-ny/52552

Filed Under: mental health