Better Mental Health: Princeton Counseling Service

Professional, caring counselors for the challenging times in your life.

Mental Health Effects of Excessive Screen Time

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If we’re honest, most of us would admit we look at some form of digital screen more than we do the face of our friends and loved ones. From our phones to iPad, laptops and flatscreen TVs the size of an entire wall, screen time for most people is definitely on the rise. But what exactly are the mental health effects of all of this screen time?

Sleep Deprivation

Without realizing it, many of us are hampering our natural sleep cycle with so much screen time. Our electronic devices emit a blue light that interferes with our production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. Screen time before bed will make it very hard to fall asleep. And a lack of quality sleep can cause our mood to dip and make it hard for us to deal with everyday stressors.

Impaired Social Skills

There is a bit of irony when it comes to screen time. We’re on our devices more and more as a way to connect with others. And yet, in reality we are alone when socializing digitally. Fewer real-life social interactions can lead to social anxiety and loneliness.

Poorer Emotional Regulation

Too much time on our devices affects our ability to register and process our emotions. Exposure to aggressive or violent media, for example, can impair our emotional judgment of real life events. It can also trigger our own aggressive tendencies. 

Lower Self-Esteem

Social media platforms are where we go to compare ourselves to others. Often when scrolling through our timelines, we perceive everyone else to have their act together, to be happier, healthier and more successful. Doing this day after day can take a real toll on our self-esteem.

Finding Healthier Alternatives

If you think you’re spending too much time in front of your screens, there are some steps you can take. First, make a commitment to keep TVs and all other devices out of your bedroom so you can ensure a good night’s rest.

Make dinner time with the family a “screen-free zone.” 

And finally, take up some new hobbies, connect with old friends and try to get outdoors more. Your mental health will thank you.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.adventhealth.com/blog/how-screen-time-affects-mental-health

https://www.opal.so/blog/screen-time-and-mental-health

https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2018-03-16/is-screen-time-a-serious-threat-to-mental-health

Filed Under: mental health

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

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Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict in a loving and respectful way:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

  • No yelling
  • No name-calling
  • No physical aggression
  • No foul language
  • No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires validation of both partners’ feelings. When you place blame on the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Look for ways to find that balance between what the both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Depending on the root cause of the conflict, professional counseling may be warranted. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or an infidelity, may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem to be unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

Filed Under: conflict resolution

Does the Gender of Your Therapist Matter?

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Finding a therapist that you feel totally safe and comfortable with is very important for your healing journey. Because of this, some people wonder whether it’s important for your therapist to be a certain gender.

Some have theorized over the years that the gender of a therapist should not matter. After all if they have both been trained and licensed and have a solid track record of helping clients, why should it matter?

While this attitude may make sense with other professionals, such as a dentist or veterinarian, gender can have a much more profound impact when it comes to seeking mental health counseling.

Beliefs and Comfort Levels Affect Treatment

Wishing your dentist was a woman instead of a man will not effective the outcome of your root canal. But feeling safer with a female therapist will affect your outcomes. Or believing that only another man can truly understand what you are going through will certainly impact the effectiveness of your treatment.

A woman who is dealing with the trauma of a rape may certainly not feel safe enough in the presence of a male therapist. Conversely, a woman who has been traumatized by a narcissistic mother may only feel safe with a male therapist.

Parents bringing their child in for therapy may specifically seek either a female or male therapist, depending on the specific scenario or issue. A young boy without any positive male role models may need the guidance provided by a male therapist. A female child who is scarred by an abusive alcoholic father may need the safety and comfort of a female therapist.

You Have Every Right

You should never be made to feel guilty because you have a preference for a therapist who is of a certain gender. Your comfort should be your number one priority.

If you would like to explore treatment options, and feel I may be a good fit for your needs, please reach out to me.

SOURCES:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/faq/does-sex-or-gender-of-therapist-matter

Does The Gender Of Your Therapist Matter?

Therapist Gender Does it Matter?

Filed Under: therapy

Overcoming Societal Pressures on Becoming a Mother

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We’ve all seen those scenes in movies and TV shows where the mother is pressuring her daughter to have children. Usually, the mother character will guilt her daughter by saying something like, “You’re not getting any younger you know,” or, “All I want is to be a grandmother. Why are you keeping that from me!” 

These scenes are always funny. Unless of course, you live these scenes in real life! And sadly, many women do live these scenes on a daily basis. If they’re not getting pressure from their mother about having kids they’re usually getting it from a sister or some of their female friends. But this pressure is far from helpful.

Not All Women are Cut Out for Motherhood

As a therapist, I have heard all kinds of stories about the relationship people have had with their mothers. Now granted, mothers are human beings, and even those that try their very best are going to make some mistakes.

But I have heard more stories than I can count of mothers who seemed to not like being a mother very much at all. I have one client who has shared many heartbreaking stories of his childhood; of his mother who always seemed sad and angry. She was never really “into” playing with him or his two other siblings or spending much time with them. She always made my client feel like she gave up a wonderful life to have children and she regretted it every day.

The truth is, not all women are cut out for motherhood. Some women have it in them and some don’t. There was a time when women didn’t really have a choice but to follow the traditional path and get married and have 2, 3, or more kids. But times have changed and women do have a say now about what kind of life they would like to live. 

Pressuring women to fit a specific mold and have children, just because society deems that the “right” life path is simply wrong. All that does is create families who become broken.

Speaking to Someone Can Help

Are you “of a certain age” and feeling pressured by friends and family to have children? Do you feel overwhelmed? It can really help to have someone in your corner that can help you decide what is right for you personally. A therapist can help you understand clearly what your needs are. He or she can then help you set up boundaries with others so that your needs are met.

If you’d like to speak with someone, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: women

How Your Self-Esteem Affects Your Mental Health

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Having a low self-esteem is something many people of all ages deal with. While a low self-esteem is not considered a mental health condition itself, the way we think about ourselves directly impacts our mental health and overall well-being.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to the way people feel about themselves. Someone with a healthy or high self-esteem thinks positively about themselves and their abilities. They believe they are deserving of respect and have no problems setting healthy boundaries.

Individuals with low self-esteems do not feel very good about themselves. They constantly measure themselves against others and always come up short. They may not think they are worthy of love and respect and will typically not set healthy boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of them.

How Does a Low Self-Esteem Affect Mental Health?

The following are some ways a low self-esteem can impact a person’s mental health:

Poor Relationships 

Human beings are wired for connections. But when we have low self-esteem, we tend to not put ourselves “out there” socially and even tend to isolate, which can lead to poor relationships and loneliness.

Addiction

Studies have indicated low self-esteem in childhood can lead to addictions later in life. Mandy addicts use alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with negative feelings about themselves.

Depression and Anxiety

Living with low self-esteem day after day, week after week, can very much take its toll and eventually lead to the development of depression and anxiety.

How to Build Your Self-Esteem

Building self-esteem is important for mental health and to live a happy life. But it’s not necessarily easy to do it. It’s not like losing weight where you can say I am going to eat less and move more.

That is why I recommend working with a trained therapist who specializes in helping people build their self-esteem. A therapist can help you identify your core negative beliefs and determine where they came from. He or she can then help you develop a new, realistic self-esteem that reflects who you truly are.

If you or someone you know is suffering with low self-esteem and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me.

SOURCES:

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2016/Why-Self-Esteem-Is-Important-for-Mental-Health

https://www.hormona.io/why-self-esteem-affects-your-mental-health/

https://fherehab.com/learning/self-esteem-mental-health

Filed Under: mental health

When is it Time to Ask for Help?

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Depression is a complex mental health issue that varies widely between individuals. This is why it can be difficult for some people to recognize what may be a situational discomfort that may pass on its own, and what may be more serious and require professional help.

The Difference Between Mild and Serious Mental Health Issues

In order to measure the seriousness of a mental health issue, most mental health professionals look at what impact it has on the person’s everyday life. They also take into account the events that led to the issue.

Mild mental health issues are typically less persistent as well as less disruptive to an individual’s everyday life. Serious mental health issues, on the other hand, are often so severe that they negatively impact that person’s relationships and performance at school and work.

As an example, feeling pressure at work about an upcoming deadline will make just about anyone feel stressed and anxious. But if your anxiety becomes so great that you begin calling in sick to work to avoid the project and responsibilities, that would be seen as a disruption in your everyday life. Severe anxiety can lead to panic attacks and that is definitely a reason to seek support.

Something else to keep in mind is the context around the mental health issue. It is perfectly normal to grieve after losing a loved one or to feel anger and resentment after discovering your partner’s infidelity. While it can definitely be helpful to speak with someone during these times, you may not necessarily be experiencing a severe mental health crisis that would warrant help.

It is important to mention that the events of one’s life need not be “serious” in order for you to reach out for help. Whatever it is that you are going through and whatever feelings you are experiencing, they are valid.

Warning Signs of a Serious Mental Health Crisis

The following are some red flags of a mental health crisis that warrant asking for help:

  • Feeling sad or “down” for long periods of time (particularly without an inciting incident)
  • Noticeable mood swings from very high, like euphoria, to very low, like deep sadness or depression
  • Excessive worry
  • Feeling empty or apathetic about life
  • Engaging in self-harming behaviors, like cutting
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Changes in appetite, sleep or sex drive
  • Constant fatigue
  • Thoughts of suicide

If you or a loved one are experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s time to reach out and ask for help. While the days seem dark right now, they can and will get brighter. I’d love to help you get there, so please get in touch with me so we can set up a time to speak.

SOURCES:

https://www.counseling.org/news/aca-blogs/aca-counseling-corner/aca-counseling-corner-blog/2018/03/01/knowing-when-to-ask-for-help#:~:text=If%20you’re%20facing%20a,to%20seek%20out%20professional%20help

https://jedfoundation.org/resource/mental-health-warning-signs-and-when-to-ask-for-help/

https://www.columbiatribune.com/story/sponsor-story/burrell-behavioral-health/2022/05/02/mental-health-matters-knowing-when-ask-help/9558636002/

Filed Under: counseling

Types of Anxiety Disorders

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At some point in our lives, most of us will experience anxiety. It’s actually a natural reaction to many stressors such as starting a new job, taking final exams, and becoming a new parent.

Now for many people, the anxiety will subside once the stressor goes away. But for others, anxiety becomes persistent and even excessive, even without obvious stressors, interfering with daily life. In these cases, the person is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

Types of Anxiety Disorders

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, roughly 31% of adults in this country will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their life. In fact, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health condition in the United States.

Anxiety disorders include:

  • Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Panic disorder
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Social anxiety disorder
  • Phobias
  • Separation anxiety disorder
  • Agoraphobia
  • Symptoms of Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety can trigger symptoms such as:

  • Excessive fear and worrying
  • Restlessness
  • Agitation
  • Panic
  • Irritability
  • Irrational fear of danger
  • Racing thoughts
  • Shortness of breath or rapid breathing
  • Sleep issues
  • Headache and stomachache
  • Pounding heart
  • Insomnia
  • Trembling
  • Muscle tension

How are Anxiety Orders Treated?

If you are suffering with an anxiety disorder, life may feel overwhelming most of the time. But know that there is help out there for you. Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, can reduce or eliminate your uncomfortable symptoms. Your therapist can also assess you to see if you are a good candidate for an anti-anxiety medication, at least to start. Of course, I have found there are plenty of alternative options, such as deep breathing, acupuncture, and other relaxation techniques, that have helped my clients find calm and peace.

If you’d like to explore therapy options, please reach out to me. Life can get better.

SOURCES:

https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/types-of-anxiety

https://www.hhs.gov/answers/mental-health-and-substance-abuse/what-are-the-five-major-types-of-anxiety-disorders/index.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-cube/202204/4-types-anxiety

Filed Under: anxiety diorder

3 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

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The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down.

Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how:

Be Fully Present

Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And this requires giving each other your full attention. Keep distractions like cell phones out of the conversation. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.

Use “I” Statements

One of the biggest things that make a person tune out during a conversation is when they are told they are doing something wrong. YOU do this or YOU do that is not the best way to get your feelings across.

Try using more “I” statements. These statements focus on your feelings without casting blame on the other person.

So as an example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” You can instead say, “I worry when you haven’t shown up and I haven’t heard from you.”

See the difference?

Avoid Negative Communication Patterns

Poor communication is typically the result of negative communication patterns. These include things like passive aggressiveness, ignoring the other person when they are speaking, and yelling.

While you may not be able to change your own negative communication patterns overnight, you can commit to becoming more aware of them and when they happen, stop the pattern and change it.

These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you reconnect with your partner.

SOURCES:

https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/

https://www.verywellmind.com/communication-in-relationships-why-it-matters-and-how-to-improve-5218269

https://us.calmerry.com/blog/relationships/9-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/

Filed Under: couples

Signs you Need to Take a Mental Health Day

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Do you ever get up in the morning and wonder if it would be okay for you to take a mental health day? If so, you’re definitely not alone. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that today’s workforce is experiencing job burnout at alarming rates.

What are Mental Health Days Exactly?

The good news is that taking a mental health day every once in a while can absolutely help you cope with work-related stress. But mental health days should not be confused with sick days.

Mental health days are simply those times when you need to take a break from anything work related. These personal days are used to reset your mind by focusing on activities that rejuvenate and reenergize you.

Signs it’s Time for a Mental Health Day

The following are some red flags that are letting you know you need to put your mental health first:

You Feel Run Down

Being stressed and overworked can take a toll on your mind and body. If you’ve been feeling run down for a period of time, take a break.

You Feel Angry More Often

When we feel stressed and burned out, we become angry far more easily and far more often. If you find you have been getting easily irritated, this is a sign it may be time for a mental health day.

You’re Having a Hard Time Focusing

When we’re stressed, our mental faculties take a hit and we can’t focus as easily. This makes it incredibly hard to get any work done. Which of course just makes us feel more stressed.

If you notice your cognitive abilities have declined a bit, may be time to call off work for a day of destressing.

If you have been experiencing any of these signs, I encourage you to put your mental health first and take a mental health day. And if you would like to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, please reach out to me. I’m a great listener and have numerous tools for coping with stress that I can share with you.

SOURCES:

https://info.totalwellnesshealth.com/blog/mental-health-day-from-work

10 Signs You Need a Mental Health Day

https://www.livestrong.com/article/13767705-how-to-take-mental-health-day/

Filed Under: mental health

How to Deal with Social Anxiety after COVID

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It has been a very long year. Lockdowns and social distancing have had a profound impact on our hearts and minds. But thankfully, as the vaccines roll out and the country begins to slowly open back up, we are beginning to return to some kind of normal.

While many people are jumping for joy with the idea of taking part in normal social gatherings and getting back to life pre-pandemic, there are also those individuals who are feeling a bit of social anxiety at the same time. This is to be understood.

Being social requires a set of skills. We learned as children how to interact with those around us. As we grew older, we learned even more of the intricate and complex social structures, rules, and more. Being away from society for a year or more has put a kink into these important skills for many of us. You may have learned how to ice skate as a kid, but if you haven’t been on skates for years, there’s a good chance you’ll break some bones!

Here are some tips for dealing with any social anxiety you may be experiencing:

Be Kind to Yourself

Many will find it absolutely exhausting trying to relearn all of the social skills they haven’t practiced in some time. It’s okay, you’re not the only one who is struggling right now. Just be kind and gentle with yourself.

Stick with Your Own Comfort Level

Some people may be feeling anxiety right now because they are unsure of how safe it is to be out in the world. If we’re honest, the talking heads on TV seem to give us mixed signals about what is really going on. All you can do is set your own boundaries and determine what you feel comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable giving or receiving hugs, don’t feel pressured by someone else. Respect your own boundaries and comfort level and take things day by day.

Take Things Nice and Easy

If you haven’t worked out physically in some time, you wouldn’t, on your first day at the gym, run for an hour on the treadmill and THEN lift heavy weights afterward. You’d take things slow so as not to hurt yourself.

Apply this same logic to your social life. If you feel out of shape socially, then take things slow. Don’t suddenly fill your social calendar with all kinds of activities and events. Start with a small gathering and go from there.

Speak with Someone

If you find your anxiety isn’t dissipating after some time, you may want to speak with a counselor. They can give you the tools to help you get out of your rut and back into a healthy and joyful life.

If you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please reach out to me.

SOURCES:

Filed Under: Anxiety