Abuse/Neglect | Better Mental Health: Princeton Counseling Service

For many, childhood is a time of wonder and adventure; a time when all needs are met and comfort is merely a whimper away.

And yet for others, childhood never feels quite safe or secure. For these people, emotional neglect was something that colored their early years and affects them as adults.

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is the result of parents not responding enough to the emotional needs of their children. While it is an invisible form of suffering, as opposed to bruises and broken bones, it has lasting ramifications. And adults that have suffered from CEN have no idea that their current world is being created from a place of lack.

What Makes CEN Invisible?

There are a couple of specifics that make CEN invisible to the victim:

It can happen in otherwise loving families that have no material needs.
A parent’s failure to respond to your emotional needs is not something that happens to you as a child. It is something that doesn’t happen to you, and therefore, your brain has nothing to record as “proof.”

These adults find themselves creating lives that don’t quite feel right. They may investigate their childhoods, looking for clues, but usually come up with nothing, which can add to their sense of stress and anxiety.

In the end, they feel that something must be innately wrong with them. They take the blame, assuming that they are simply flawed and different from other people who seem to have their acts together.

If you identify with this feeling, here are 5 signs you grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect:

1. Fear of Being Dependent on Others

Independence is a good quality to have. But having a deep-seated fear about depending on anyone for anything, never asking for help or support, is not healthy.

2. You Don’t Really Know Yourself

When you meet new people and have to tell them about yourself, do you find it difficult? Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? What you like and don’t like? Victims of CEN tend to not know themselves as well as they should.

3. You’re a People Pleaser

You spend a lot of time trying to meet other people’s needs and pay little attention to your own. You’re hard on yourself but soft with others.

4. You Feel Empty

This can feel different to different people. Maybe you feel an empty sensation in your gut, throat or chest. For some it comes and goes, for others, this feeling is there 24/7 – 365.

5. You Have Trouble Feeling Your Emotions

When your emotions were ignored as a child, you never learned how to feel them and express them in healthy ways. As an adult, do you find it hard to identify the feelings you feel, let alone express them to others?

If you’ve just had an A-ha moment and think you may have suffered CEN and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. There is hope and you CAN heal from the invisible wounds and start creating the life you were meant to live.

Of all the emotions, anger is perhaps the one that most people have the hardest time dealing with. That’s most likely because anger is not like the other emotions. It is unique. In fact, a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation of 2000 people found that 28% are sometimes worried about the level of anger that they feel.

While feeling anger can have negative consequences, anger, in general, can move us toward a happier and healthier life.

Here are 5 ways anger is not like other emotions.

It’s Motivating

Anger gives us energy. And while other emotions tend to make us withdraw from others and life, anger causes us to want to engage. Anger is the motivator that gets us to interact with other people, perhaps those we feel are negatively impacting our life. Anger is what often catapults us into social situations and events that are necessary to bring about change.

Anger is one activating emotion.

Anger is Complicated

Anger is not a singular experience, but rather a grouping of feelings. When we become angry, it is because we first feel something else: marginalized, hurt, disrespected, vulnerable, or neglected. In this way, anger is much more complicated than other emotions.

It Yearns to be Expressed

Other emotions can simply be felt silently, but not anger. It wants to be famous, a star, something that everyone knows about. Anger insists that it be expressed out loud. Unfortunately, most people misdirect their anger, erupting at the wrong times and at the wrong people.

It Can Be Turned Inward or Outward

While we are directing that anger outwardly, and sometimes toward the wrong people, we can just as easily direct it inward toward ourselves. We generally don’t even realize we are doing it until we have done emotional damage.

Anger is Hazardous to Your Health

While feeling sad is uncomfortable, being angry is downright bad for your health. Research has discovered that individuals prone to anger are more at risk for heart attacks and cancer.

While anger can be destructive to relationships and our health, it can also energize us and lead to positive life changes, if harnessed properly. The keys to using anger in a healthy way are to become aware of it when you feel it, recognize the real cause of it and commit to interpreting its message so you can make any necessary changes.

If you are having trouble dealing with feelings of anger and are interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

5 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect